Blog Post
Why I’m Deleting My Facebook Account
Facebook: the biggest advertising company and personal information database in history.
I’m deleting my Facebook account. Why? Facebook doesn’t value individual privacy, and and it’s reached a tipping point where I don’t feel that the value I attain from the service is worth the personal information I’m forced to give up. Facebook uses its facial recognition software, PhotoDNA, to scan every photo you upload & cross-reference it against a criminal database. Every face tag adds to a massive repository of data about our faces. Our personal data is mined, traded, sold, and swapped, making anonymity harder and identity theft easier. And no, deleting things & setting strict privacy settings isn’t enough: Facebook stores massive databases of “deleted” information on its servers. In 1 week from my writing this, they’re forcing all users to adopt Timeline.
Facebook isn’t free: you pay for it, knowingly or unknowingly, with your valuable personal data. But you have choices:
- Support websites & companies that *do* value free speech, anonymity, and privacy
- Use tracker-blocking software
- Don’t give out your real name and info unless you absolutely have to
- Use services like Tor to anonymize your IP when you’re browsing
You can always find me on FetLife, Twitter, and via email (Raven@FreedomOfFetish.com)., sites that have shown a dedication to individual privacy.
I want to live in a world where I can be who I want, and I can’t do that without privacy. If you’re the same way, get the hell out of there, too.
Freedom of Fetish Episode 36: Mia Martina is back to talk about A Year of Sex & your naughty questions
Episode 36.0: In which Raven speaks with podcaster and smut writer Mia Martina about her new book, A Year of Sex, and answers your open relationship and sex party questions. Check out Mia at AYearOfSex.com, or find her podcast, I Want Your Sex, on iTunes.
To leave a voicemail for the podcast, leave a message at the Freedom of Fetish voicemail at (860) 756-0308.
To contact Raven in writing, send your questions to FreedomOfFetish@gmail.com, tweet her @FreedomOfFetish or @RavenLightholme, or visit the Freedom of Fetish formspring at http://www.formspring.me/FreedomOfFetish.
Mia Martina wants your sex.
Podcast: Play in new window | Download | Embed
Freedom of Fetish Episode 35: Answering your questions with comedian Ted Steier
Episode 35: In which Raven and her guest, standup comedian Ted Steier, discuss (and make fun of) a whole slew of kinky questions, including breaking the fart barrier, feeder/gainer fetish, and more. Here’s to taking things a little less seriously. You can find Ted at http://tedsteier.com.
To leave a voicemail for the podcast, leave a message at the Freedom of Fetish voicemail at (860) 756-0308.
To contact Raven in writing, send your questions to FreedomOfFetish@gmail.com, tweet her @FreedomOfFetish or @RavenLightholme, or visit the Freedom of Fetish formspring at http://www.formspring.me/FreedomOfFetish.
Mr. Ted Steier himself.
Podcast: Play in new window | Download | Embed
Crossdressing like a Hot Rich Girl and Toying with Boys
Hi Raven:
I would like to crossdress like a young rich woman and have the whole persona of one. Could give me any advice on how a young rich woman would control her unruly husband or boyfriend? Would you recommend physical restraining and whipping?
-Anonymous from Formspring
Of course I thought of Paris the Heiress when I read your question.
Princess Kali and I answered this somewhat on Episode 34 of Freedom of Fetish. Upon reflection, though, I don’t think we got into it in the level of detail we should have, so I’m going to expand here. The main point to understand about this type of domination is that it’s about what YOU want. Clearly you have a fantasy about this, and it sounds like a pretty specific fantasy. You need to find ways to enact what’s in your head with a consenting partner, preferably one who shares the fantasy or its defining elements. Who ‘s the young, rich woman in your head? How does she dress? How does she treat the people around her? How does she talk? What tone of voice does she have? How would she treat a potential partner? What makes her tick? Think about these things and create a character. You can even give her a name, and she’ll come out as your hot rich girl alter-ego.
I can’t tell you how she’ll control her unruly husband or boyfriend. The way she’ll do that is up to you; it’ll have to fit your perception of her fantasy character. I can give you my sense of how it’d go for *me* with the caveat that I don’t think it’s particularly relevant for how *you’ll* want to proceed. Like I said above, the most important element here is fantasy self-fulfillment. In the description below, picture yourself as the woman, and the “you” as whoever your lucky partner is.
The type of control I associate with a young, rich female is more mental than physical: she’ll bend you to her will because she has the power of her beauty and her wallet. She knows you want to fuck her, and she knows you’ll do just about anything to do it. She always gets what she wants. And to top it off, she’s immune to your money. You can’t just buy her a present or write her a check. She’s got it already. She wants something more: to humiliate you; to belittle you; to make you beg; to turn you into a personal toy; to make you just another object that you’ll be lucky for her to play with before she throws you away for something better. How do you please the girl who has it all? You have to give her everything.
One particularly fun aspect of this fantasy is how well it lends itself to public play, assuming you’re comfortable with crossdressing in public. Any stereotypical date activity can be twisted and warped into a power exchange. Dinner and a movie? She picks dinner; she orders for you; she’s incredibly picky about what she gets; she makes a point of making you feel bad for not paying; she drags you to a chick flick; she teases you in the theater without giving you any release; she ignores you after the credits roll; she demands you drive her wherever she wants to go…the list goes on. As long as you have a consenting partner, the possibilities are endless.
However you decide to craft your heiress alter ego, have fun with it and stay true to what originally attracted you to the idea. Good luck!
Under 21 & Kinky: Here Are Your Options
One of the most common questions I get is from young kinksters who are under 21 and not sure where to go to explore their sexuality. Sure, a lot of public fetish events have a 21+ age restriction because they serve alcohol. Frankly, I think the 21+ bar is crap. Card people at the door, give the 21+ people wristbands, and let in the 18 to 20 year-olds. Problem solved. It’s not fair to suppress people’s sexuality just because they can’t have a beer (which is a WHOLE OTHER issue that I won’t broach here).
Anyway, fret not, young ones: I have some advice for you. All is not lost.
First off, congrats on knowing yourself and that you’re kinky from a young age. I can’t tell you how great it is that you have a head start on your interests. If done correctly, kink involves a lot of introspection. Introspection requires time. Know yourself, and you will have better BDSM scenes.
It’s certainly more difficult to get involved in the scene when you’re under 21, but thankfully you have a lot of resources at your disposal. The best one is the one you’re currently using: the internet. Although you won’t be able to go to most club nights (except for the rare events that are 18+), you can find groups and individuals that you can hang out with using sites like FetLife.
You may not have heard the term “munch,” but it’s an event where kinky people meet during the day in a vanilla setting, in vanilla clothes, just to get acquainted and talk about their kinks in a non-skeezy environment. Sometimes these munches precede play parties; sometimes they don’t. Munches don’t tend to have age restrictions, except perhaps 16+. Check your local BDSM group for its particular rules. In Connecticut, for example, REConn (Rope Enthusiasts of Connecticut) has meetings and demonstrations fairly often, and I don’t believe they have an age restriction. I’ve been to a few of their events, and they’re always nice and welcoming.
You can also check out TNG groups on FetLife (TNG stands for “the next generation). TNG is geared toward young kinksters, and most of these groups have an age restriction of under 35. Even some local dungeons and BDSM groups, although mostly 21+, occasionally have 18+ events. For example, I just went to The Society, a BDSM group in Hartford, Connecticut, for the Conn GRUE, which stands for “Graydancer’s Unconference Extravaganza.” It was an all-day and all-night series of kink classes followed by a huge play party, and that was 19+.
"The Next Generation" of kinksters: those under 35.
Of course, you can also meet up with individuals; there’s no age restriction there. One of the best things I can recommend is that you find a group of kinky friends, not necessarily people you’re attracted to, that you can hang out with and be yourself around. Find and (virtually) introduce yourself online to other people with similar kinks. Don’t only seek out those who you want to fuck; seek out people like yourself. For example, if you’re a straight male looking for a dominant woman, find other kinky guys looking for mistresses who are around your age, go on bro dates, make some connections, and establish a group of friends. You should include females amongst your friends, too–just treat them like human beings and not just potential sex objects. If you travel with a group, particularly a co-ed one, it shows potential dommes that you’re cool, you’re down to earth, you’re not creepy, and other people like you. Not to mention it’s SO great being able to shoot the shit with people who get what it’s like to be kinky. Best of all, having kinky friends allows you to make your OWN kink events with no age restrictions whatsoever.
So stick with the advice I’ve given you for the next 3 years, and then you’ll be able to check out everything else when you’re 21. I hope this helps!
The Trials and Tribulations of Going Ass to Mouth
Have you ever gone ass to mouth? What is the enjoyment in this? What are the chances of getting diphtheria from going ass-to-mouth?
- Anonymous, via formspring
I’m going to answer your ass to mouth questions (or ATM for short) in reverse order, from more generalizable to more personal. Also, ATM can refer to penetrative anal intercourse followed by oral sex (for example, if a partner straps on a dildo, fucks the receiving partner’s ass, and then makes the receiving partner suck the dildo) or rimming, where one partner licks and/or inserts his or her tongue into the receiving partner’s asshole. Fun fact about ATM: they say it 16 times in “Clerks 2.”
1. Assuming that you’re writing from a developed country, your chances of getting diphtheria at all, let alone from going ATM, are almost nonexistent. Diphtheria was virtually eradicated through vaccinations; there were only 3 recorded cases of it occurring in the US since 2000.
Even if diphtheria *was* something you’d have a chance of contracting in 2010, it’s highly contagious and spread through any number of nonsexual behaviors: kissing, close talking, sharing glasses, etc. Unless you’re the kind of person who goes straight for the ass to mouth without any prior human contact (and if you are, you’re a rare breed of go-getter), the odds are that you’d contract diphtheria far before your mouth was ever on anyone’s asshole.
Although your odds of getting diphtheria from ATM are slim to none, however, there are a number of nasty diseases, infections, and parasites that you expose yourself to when going ATM. If you’re the receiver, you’re at risk for herpes and syphilis. If you’re the giver, you’re at risk of contracting all flavors of hepatitis (A, B, and C), chlamydia, human papilloma virus (HPV), gonorrhea, syphilis, herpes, and lovely intestinal parasites, such as pinworms.
Pinworms: a primary reason why I don't go ATM
Not familiar with pinworms? Well, they’re familiar with you. Maybe not YOU, but the assholes of over 40 million Americans each year. About 25% of Americans have pinworm infestations at any given time. Pinworms are tiny, white worms, still visible to the naked eye, that live in your lower intestinal tract. I swear I am not making up the nightmare that I’m about to tell you: they wait until you’re asleep, and then they crawl out of your sphincter and lay their eggs around your asshole, adhering them to your skin with a sticky substance that makes your asshole itch horribly. When you scratch that itch, you get the eggs on your hands, and voila–everything you touch gets pinworm eggs on it. If you accidentally ingest the eggs, they hatch inside you, go to pinworm school, grow up into responsible adult pinworms, and lurk until you’re asleep so they can perpetuate their revolting life cycle.
So next time you’re thinking of licking that delectable asshole in front of you, I want you to be reminded of my diatribe on pinworms so that your boner disintegrates. Then, when you’ve collected yourself, use a dental dam or some plastic wrap or a condom that you’ve split longways as a barrier between your tongue and that asshole. Make sure that the receiver has showered recently and that douches, if any, were completed at least 2 hours prior. And always get tested not just for STIs, but for parasites as well. Shudder.
2. What’s the enjoyment in ATM play? You’re probably better off asking someone who enjoys it, which I do not. However, I can tell you from an academic, nonsexy, sex researcher standpoint that the anus and the sphincter are very sensitive due to a concentration of nerve endings, and that having these areas licked, stroked, or fingered feels great to a lot of people. The clitoral roots extend to the asshole for some women, allowing anal sensation to radiate throughout the entire genital region. And many men enjoy having their prostates, the male g-spot, stimulated through rimming.
In addition to the physical pleasures of oral/anal sex, both the receiver and the giver may get off on the mindfuckery associated with it. We don’t typically lick (or have licked) our “dirtiest” of parts, and that notion of naughtiness can be a big turn-on. It can be a key element of BDSM scenes involving humiliation, degradation, or exploitation. Others are simply aroused by the sights, smells, and feelings of being face-deep in someone’s ass.
3. No. Ass to mouth is not my thing. I don’t like receiving it and I don’t want to give it. I wouldn’t even enjoy it in a BDSM situation if I were forcing it/it were forced upon me because I’m not into degradation. I’m into enough twisted shit already; let me have my reservations.
Upcoming Guests
I have listed upcoming guests to better organize and solicit questions for them. Do you have something in particular you’d like to ask one of them, or do you just want to thank them for their contributions to alternative sexuality? Drop me an email at FreedomOfFetish@gmail.com, leave a voicemail at (860) 756-0308, or ask anonymously at the Freedom of Fetish formspring.
- An erotic hypnotist and his frequent subject of hypnosis
- John Baku, creator of FetLife.com
- A female exotic dancer
- A female professional dominatrix, foot fetishist, and owner of KinkAcademy.com
- A lifestyle male dominant with a penchant for daddy dominance
- A transwoman porn star and gender bender
- A professional dominatrix and dungeon mistress who throws the best fetish and BDSM parties in Boston
- A lifestyle male submissive and bondage furniture craftsman
- A lifestyle female submissive with slave-like tendencies and expertise in yoga
- A male sadist, kink educator, and lecturer with specialties in Japanese rope bondage and single-tail whips
Now Available: MP3s of All Episodes
If you visit the “podcast” section of the site, you’ll see that MP3s of all episodes are now available.
My default format is M4a, which allows me to provide the show on iTunes and include chapters and accompanying photos. I heard from a lot of you, however, who have MP3 players that don’t work with M4a, and a lot of you have been converting the files yourselves. While I appreciate the effort, you shouldn’t have to do all that simply to listen. I’ve saved you the extra step.
Thanks for letting me know, and as always, drop me a line whenever you have suggestions for the website.
Ever Wondered What I’m Into? My Masocast Interview
My schtick is usually answering listener questions and dexterously avoiding talking about myself. At least I try not to. I stepped into the role of interviewee, however, for an episode of The Masocast, hosted by Unspeakable Axe. I sat down with Axe in his NYC apartment on June 18th of 2010 and talked about the kinks that make me tick.
Not all of what I talked about with Axe made it onto the show. It’s better that some things remain unsaid, both for legal and safety purposes. I’ll let your minds run wild on that one.
Here’s his description of the episode:
A conversation with Raven Lightholme, of the Freedom of Fetish podcast, about her kinks, why she wants a sex island, funny lines from porn movies, what she enjoys about power exchange, the appeal of objectification and what her kinky superpower would be.
Thanks to Axe and Mistress Sade for a fun and enlightening interview. Oh, and for feeding me. Be sure to check out The Masocast on iTunes or at http://masocast.com/.
Hot Chick 1 Crops & Spanks Hot Chick 2 in Slo-Mo
Warning: the clip you are about to see is perfect. And NSFW.
In it, one classically beautiful and scantily clad woman flogs, crops, and spanks another, the second of whom is fully nude at certain times throughout. It’s all shot in black and white and slow motion, so the aftermath of a spanking looks like ripples across the surface of a pond. The buildup to each blow, the anticipation in their faces, the impact, and the aftermath–the sadistic joy of one; the masochistic shudder of the other–is just…gorgeous.
To see pain being pretty, click here. Thanks to SHOWstudio: The Fashion Body – Buttocks.
SHOWstudio: The Fashion Body - Buttocks
Podcast
Find Me Elsewhere
