Freedom of Fetish Episode 28: Privacy Protection for Pervs
Episode 28.0: In which Raven gives her presentation on privacy protection for pervs, discussing how to protect your identity and control your information online. Next episode we’re back to dirty sex; I promise.
To leave a voicemail for the podcast, Skype Raven at FreedomOfFetish or leave a message at the Freedom of Fetish voicemail at (860) 756-0308.
The outtro music for this episode is “In Motion” from The Social Network soundtrack by Trent Reznor & Atticus Ross.
Resources related to today’s topic:
- Abine’s PrivacySuite, a free add-on for Firefox & Internet Explorer (http://www.abine.com)
- The Electronic Frontier Foundation (EFF), an organization defending free speech, privacy, innovation, & consumer rights (http://www.eff.org/)
- The Federal Trade Commission’s complaint form, used to report websites and companies that abuse their customers’ privacy (https://econsumer.ftccomplaintassistant.gov/)
- DeleteMe, a service to delete your unwanted info, search results, and accounts online (http://www.abine.com/deleteme)
To contact Raven in writing, send your questions to FreedomOfFetish@gmail.com, tweet her @FreedomOfFetish or @RavenLightholme, or visit the Freedom of Fetish formspring at http://www.formspring.me/FreedomOfFetish.
No, he seriously is.
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Freedom of Fetish Episode 27.0: The Definition of “Kinky” & Pro Domme Savannah Sly
Episode 27.0: In which Raven tries to define what the hell it means to be kinky and interviews professional dominatrix Savannah Sly.
To leave a voicemail for the podcast, Skype Raven at FreedomOfFetish or leave a message at the Freedom of Fetish voicemail at (860) 756-0308.
To contact Raven in writing, send your questions to FreedomOfFetish@gmail.com, tweet her @FreedomOfFetish or @RavenLightholme, or visit the Freedom of Fetish formspring at http://www.formspring.me/FreedomOfFetish.
Savannah Sly at work.
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Freedom of Fetish Episode 26.0: Brother Sister Incest, Fetish Club Fashion, & Male Bicuriosity
Episode 26.0: In which Raven answers your questions about brother/sister incest, how a bicurious guy can get some action, coming off as more dominant without being a dick, addressing age play, and dressing for fetish events.
The outtro song for this episode is Louis XIV – “Pledge of Allegiance.”
To leave a voicemail for the podcast, Skype Raven at FreedomOfFetish or leave a message at the Freedom of Fetish voicemail at (860) 756-0308.
To contact Raven in writing, send your questions to FreedomOfFetish@gmail.com, tweet her @FreedomOfFetish or @RavenLightholme, or visit the Freedom of Fetish formspring at http://www.formspring.me/FreedomOfFetish.
Luke, I am your...genetic match.
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Under 21 & Kinky: Here Are Your Options
One of the most common questions I get is from young kinksters who are under 21 and not sure where to go to explore their sexuality. Sure, a lot of public fetish events have a 21+ age restriction because they serve alcohol. Frankly, I think the 21+ bar is crap. Card people at the door, give the 21+ people wristbands, and let in the 18 to 20 year-olds. Problem solved. It’s not fair to suppress people’s sexuality just because they can’t have a beer (which is a WHOLE OTHER issue that I won’t broach here).
Anyway, fret not, young ones: I have some advice for you. All is not lost.
First off, congrats on knowing yourself and that you’re kinky from a young age. I can’t tell you how great it is that you have a head start on your interests. If done correctly, kink involves a lot of introspection. Introspection requires time. Know yourself, and you will have better BDSM scenes.
It’s certainly more difficult to get involved in the scene when you’re under 21, but thankfully you have a lot of resources at your disposal. The best one is the one you’re currently using: the internet. Although you won’t be able to go to most club nights (except for the rare events that are 18+), you can find groups and individuals that you can hang out with using sites like FetLife.
You may not have heard the term “munch,” but it’s an event where kinky people meet during the day in a vanilla setting, in vanilla clothes, just to get acquainted and talk about their kinks in a non-skeezy environment. Sometimes these munches precede play parties; sometimes they don’t. Munches don’t tend to have age restrictions, except perhaps 16+. Check your local BDSM group for its particular rules. In Connecticut, for example, REConn (Rope Enthusiasts of Connecticut) has meetings and demonstrations fairly often, and I don’t believe they have an age restriction. I’ve been to a few of their events, and they’re always nice and welcoming.
You can also check out TNG groups on FetLife (TNG stands for “the next generation). TNG is geared toward young kinksters, and most of these groups have an age restriction of under 35. Even some local dungeons and BDSM groups, although mostly 21+, occasionally have 18+ events. For example, I just went to The Society, a BDSM group in Hartford, Connecticut, for the Conn GRUE, which stands for “Graydancer’s Unconference Extravaganza.” It was an all-day and all-night series of kink classes followed by a huge play party, and that was 19+.
"The Next Generation" of kinksters: those under 35.
Of course, you can also meet up with individuals; there’s no age restriction there. One of the best things I can recommend is that you find a group of kinky friends, not necessarily people you’re attracted to, that you can hang out with and be yourself around. Find and (virtually) introduce yourself online to other people with similar kinks. Don’t only seek out those who you want to fuck; seek out people like yourself. For example, if you’re a straight male looking for a dominant woman, find other kinky guys looking for mistresses who are around your age, go on bro dates, make some connections, and establish a group of friends. You should include females amongst your friends, too–just treat them like human beings and not just potential sex objects. If you travel with a group, particularly a co-ed one, it shows potential dommes that you’re cool, you’re down to earth, you’re not creepy, and other people like you. Not to mention it’s SO great being able to shoot the shit with people who get what it’s like to be kinky. Best of all, having kinky friends allows you to make your OWN kink events with no age restrictions whatsoever.
So stick with the advice I’ve given you for the next 3 years, and then you’ll be able to check out everything else when you’re 21. I hope this helps!
Freedom of Fetish Episode 24.0: Talking poly, religious hangups, BDSM titles, and marriage with Kaminaru
Episode 24.0: In which Raven and her polyamorous guest, Kaminaru, discuss getting a reluctant partner to top, quick and sexy restraint ideas, religious hangups, BDSM titles and honorifics, dynamics of kink/vanilla relationships, and sex in marriage.
This episode’s outtro song is Electric Valentine – Everyone You Know Is On Drugs.
To leave a voicemail for the podcast, Skype Raven at FreedomOfFetish or leave a message at the Freedom of Fetish voicemail at (860) 756-0308.
To contact Raven in writing, send your questions to FreedomOfFetish@gmail.com, tweet her @FreedomOfFetish or @RavenLightholme, or visit the Freedom of Fetish formspring at http://www.formspring.me/FreedomOfFetish.
My guest host for this episode. You have permission to stare.
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Freedom of Fetish Episode 23.0: Violet Wands, Email Breakups, TNGs, Kink Clues, and Sneezing Fetish
Episode 23.0: In which Raven gets her own embarrassing question answered by Dan Savage and covers violet wands as sterilization devices, email breakups, problems of the young and kinky, kink giveaways in a vanilla world, and sneezing fetish.
To leave a voicemail for the podcast, Skype Raven at FreedomOfFetish or leave a message at the Freedom of Fetish voicemail at (860) 756-0308.
To contact Raven in writing, send your questions to FreedomOfFetish@gmail.com, tweet her @FreedomOfFetish or @RavenLightholme, check out www.FreedomOfFetish.com, or visit the Freedom of Fetish formspring at http://www.formspring.me/FreedomOfFetish.
Oh yeah, sneeze for me, baby.
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Freedom of Fetish Episode 22.0: Talking FetLife with John Baku
Episode 22.0: In which Raven talks FetLife with its creator, John Baku, covering everything from FetLife etiquette to privacy features…and even some horse cock.
To leave a voicemail for the podcast, Skype Raven at FreedomOfFetish or leave a message at the Freedom of Fetish voicemail at (860) 756-0308.
To contact Raven in writing, send your questions to FreedomOfFetish@gmail.com, tweet her @FreedomOfFetish or @RavenLightholme, or visit the Freedom of Fetish formspring at http://www.formspring.me/FreedomOfFetish.
Does John have a furry hat fetish, or is it just cold in Montreal?
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Freedom of Fetish Episode 20: Myths, Truths, and a Live Demo of Erotic Hypnosis
Episode 21.0: In which Raven sits down with Buddy and Sibyl, hypnotist and hypnotized, to answer your questions about erotic hypnosis and give a play-by-play as Sibyl gets hypnotized live on the show.
To leave a voicemail for the podcast, Skype Raven at FreedomOfFetish or leave a message at the Freedom of Fetish voicemail at (860) 756-0308.
To contact Raven in writing, send your questions to FreedomOfFetish@gmail.com, tweet her @FreedomOfFetish or @RavenLightholme, or visit the Freedom of Fetish formspring at http://www.formspring.me/FreedomOfFetish.
And the deeper you go, the better you feel...
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Freedom of Fetish Episode 20: Rope and Non-Rope Questions with Graydancer
Episode 20: In which Raven sits down with Graydancer of the Ropecast and several bottles of wine to discuss the big deal about rope, penis size preferences, activism and sex education, safe self-bondage, metallic rope, rope hygiene, and much more.
To leave a voicemail for the podcast, Skype Raven at FreedomOfFetish or leave a message at the Freedom of Fetish voicemail at (860) 756-0308.
To contact Raven in writing, send your questions to FreedomOfFetish@gmail.com, tweet her @FreedomOfFetish or @RavenLightholme, or visit the Freedom of Fetish formspring at http://www.formspring.me/FreedomOfFetish.
My co-host, Graydancer, in action
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The Trials and Tribulations of Going Ass to Mouth
Have you ever gone ass to mouth? What is the enjoyment in this? What are the chances of getting diphtheria from going ass-to-mouth?
- Anonymous, via formspring
I’m going to answer your ass to mouth questions (or ATM for short) in reverse order, from more generalizable to more personal. Also, ATM can refer to penetrative anal intercourse followed by oral sex (for example, if a partner straps on a dildo, fucks the receiving partner’s ass, and then makes the receiving partner suck the dildo) or rimming, where one partner licks and/or inserts his or her tongue into the receiving partner’s asshole. Fun fact about ATM: they say it 16 times in “Clerks 2.”
1. Assuming that you’re writing from a developed country, your chances of getting diphtheria at all, let alone from going ATM, are almost nonexistent. Diphtheria was virtually eradicated through vaccinations; there were only 3 recorded cases of it occurring in the US since 2000.
Even if diphtheria *was* something you’d have a chance of contracting in 2010, it’s highly contagious and spread through any number of nonsexual behaviors: kissing, close talking, sharing glasses, etc. Unless you’re the kind of person who goes straight for the ass to mouth without any prior human contact (and if you are, you’re a rare breed of go-getter), the odds are that you’d contract diphtheria far before your mouth was ever on anyone’s asshole.
Although your odds of getting diphtheria from ATM are slim to none, however, there are a number of nasty diseases, infections, and parasites that you expose yourself to when going ATM. If you’re the receiver, you’re at risk for herpes and syphilis. If you’re the giver, you’re at risk of contracting all flavors of hepatitis (A, B, and C), chlamydia, human papilloma virus (HPV), gonorrhea, syphilis, herpes, and lovely intestinal parasites, such as pinworms.
Pinworms: a primary reason why I don't go ATM
Not familiar with pinworms? Well, they’re familiar with you. Maybe not YOU, but the assholes of over 40 million Americans each year. About 25% of Americans have pinworm infestations at any given time. Pinworms are tiny, white worms, still visible to the naked eye, that live in your lower intestinal tract. I swear I am not making up the nightmare that I’m about to tell you: they wait until you’re asleep, and then they crawl out of your sphincter and lay their eggs around your asshole, adhering them to your skin with a sticky substance that makes your asshole itch horribly. When you scratch that itch, you get the eggs on your hands, and voila–everything you touch gets pinworm eggs on it. If you accidentally ingest the eggs, they hatch inside you, go to pinworm school, grow up into responsible adult pinworms, and lurk until you’re asleep so they can perpetuate their revolting life cycle.
So next time you’re thinking of licking that delectable asshole in front of you, I want you to be reminded of my diatribe on pinworms so that your boner disintegrates. Then, when you’ve collected yourself, use a dental dam or some plastic wrap or a condom that you’ve split longways as a barrier between your tongue and that asshole. Make sure that the receiver has showered recently and that douches, if any, were completed at least 2 hours prior. And always get tested not just for STIs, but for parasites as well. Shudder.
2. What’s the enjoyment in ATM play? You’re probably better off asking someone who enjoys it, which I do not. However, I can tell you from an academic, nonsexy, sex researcher standpoint that the anus and the sphincter are very sensitive due to a concentration of nerve endings, and that having these areas licked, stroked, or fingered feels great to a lot of people. The clitoral roots extend to the asshole for some women, allowing anal sensation to radiate throughout the entire genital region. And many men enjoy having their prostates, the male g-spot, stimulated through rimming.
In addition to the physical pleasures of oral/anal sex, both the receiver and the giver may get off on the mindfuckery associated with it. We don’t typically lick (or have licked) our “dirtiest” of parts, and that notion of naughtiness can be a big turn-on. It can be a key element of BDSM scenes involving humiliation, degradation, or exploitation. Others are simply aroused by the sights, smells, and feelings of being face-deep in someone’s ass.
3. No. Ass to mouth is not my thing. I don’t like receiving it and I don’t want to give it. I wouldn’t even enjoy it in a BDSM situation if I were forcing it/it were forced upon me because I’m not into degradation. I’m into enough twisted shit already; let me have my reservations.
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